The Great Wedding Walkout: Litvish Appeal and the Fight Against Internalized Sephardi Racism

The Event

The Rosh Yeshiva walked down the aisle... and right out the door, dragging all of the chosson/chattan's (groom's) friends behind him and leaving the poor newlywed—pleading for him to let the boys stay—to cry alone. At issue: the Israeli rabbi's objection to the bride and groom conducting their wedding according to normative Sephardic halacha. No, this is not an Ashkenazi couple breaking from tradition; both bride and groom are from sephardi families, the groom's father even a rav of a Sephardi congregation. Not even the ruthless Rosh Yeshiva is Ashkenazi; he's a Sephardic man heading a school for Sephardic boys.

Not surprisingly, the Rabbis Yosef, champions of Sephardi halacha, responded quickly and forcefully. Rav Yitzchak Yosef headed straight over to the wedding to celebrate with the abandoned groom and his father, Rav Ovadia invited the groom's family to his Jerusalem home the next day. Rav Avraham Yosef, Chief Rabbi of Holon and Sephardi representative on the Chief Rabbinite Counsel, said in a radio interview that the rosh yeshiva is a "criminal," adding that he should be banished from the city and that it is assur to learn Torah from such a person.

The Read

Clearly, the issue here runs deeper than a rabbi being a jerk or supporting the unquestionable halachic basis for following the (legitimate) practices of one's forefathers. This event represents one of the fundamental struggles of Sephardi Jews living as a socio-religious minority group in today's Haredi Israel.

Tensions between Ashkenazi and Sephardi Jews are nothing new in Israel. Shas and the Education Ministry are still fighting to solve the problem of Sephardi girls sitting at home because they can't find Ashkenazi high schools that will take girls with their skin color. What this fiasco highlights is something more insidious than external Ashkenazi discrimination. It demonstrates Sephardi Jews who have so internalized the societal biases against them that they abandon halacha and human decency in an attempt to "overcome" what the see as their racial handicap.

We can get a bit of interesting insight into this phenomenon by looking at the experiences of African Americans and members of other American minority groups with their race here in the U.S. The study of racial identity looks at the way in which individuals see their own race in relation to the majority race and how that view affects the role of race within their overall sense of who they are. Atkinson, Morten, and Sue's  (1998) Racial/Cultural Identity Development Model (R/CID)  defines five stages through which individuals progress along the path to a fully integrated racial identity.

The most primitive stage is conformity, in which individuals hold negative attitudes and beliefs toward themselves and toward members of the same minority group, while holding appreciating attitudes and beliefs toward members of the dominant group. Individuals at this stage attempt to deny thier own racial/cultural heritage. However, as they encounter information or experiences that are inconsistent with the attitudes, held by the dominant culture they gradually move into the dissonance stage. Here they experience conflict: between thier self-depreciating and self-appreciating attitudes and beliefs, between group-depreciating and group-appreciating attitudes and beliefs toward members of the same minority, and between group-appreciating and group-depreciating attitudes toward members of the dominant group.

As the individual develops through the resistance and immersion stage, he or she comes to completely reject the dominant culture in favor of the beliefs and values of his or hew own race or culture, with increased regard for self and group coming together with group-depricating attitudes toward the majority culture. The introspection stage is where the individual is able to reassess his or her ethno-centric biases after recognizing how draining it is to devote such emotional intensity to and how unsatisfying it could be to hold resistance and immersion-stage views. Finally, by the integrative awareness stage, minority individuals  have developed an inner sense of security and they own and appreciate unique aspects of both their own and the mainstream culture.

What Rav Ovadia et. al, are doing is more than just defending their culture. They are fighting to prevent their Sephardic followers from regressing in their cultural identity development to a stage of conformity. In Israel's current socio-religious climate, it is hard to be proud of being a Sephardi. So hard that even a learned man with his own yeshiva, who should know better--both from a halachic and a don't-be-a-jerk perspective--will still go to shameful lengths to try to be like the Ashkenaz. Thier fight is an important one, but time will tell if it can stand up to the force of Litvish appeal.

Religious People: Less Narcissistic?

Science+Religion Today

Here is the reality: The link between narcissism and religion is complex. Many, if not most, religious practices are designed to shut down or minimize the ego: compassion, charity, chastity, gratitude, mindfulness, forgiveness. Each of these is negatively correlated with narcissism. Ideally, then, the practice of religion should result in less narcissistic individuals.

However, religion is also a source of social power and status and that tends to draw narcissistic people (who also tend to be charismatic to make matters worse). The result is the concern that many people drawn to religion—especially in leadership roles—will be narcissistic. This is the same phenomenon we see in other leadership positions, such as politicians and corporate executives. Still, the (very little) research we have suggests that individuals in pastoral roles are less narcissistic than politicians.

Finally, we have the cultural-level issues of the form or structure of religion in an increasingly narcissistic society. What we see is that religion is becoming more “individualized.” For example, almost half of individuals switch religions (when you include switching between Protestant denominations). We also have more “cafeteria” beliefs, like individuals who are Christian but also believe in astrology. According to new Pew data, in the last 30 some years, we even have experienced a huge increase in individuals who report a direct experience with the divine or the mystical. We want an individualized religious experience just like we want an individualized coffee beverage at Starbucks. Not surprisingly, the churches that are increasing most in popularity are megachurches that provide individualized services and experiences and often have a “prosperity component.”

Haredim Cancel Protest in Deference to Fallen Soldiers

Ynet. Leader of the Eida Chareidis, Rabbi Yitzchak Tuvia Weiss notified bereaved parents from the Yad Lebanim memorial society on Thursday that he did not intend on holding protests against the relocation of graves found at the Ashkelon's Barzilai Medical Center planned for Monday because he respects Memorial Day, which falls on the same day."Apparently this is held sacred by him, too," says Yad Lebanim chairman.


This is the kind of news report that makes me think (even if only until the siren-blow ends) that there is hope for Klal Yisrael. R' Weiss respected the pleas by parents of deceased soldiers, relayed to him by a letter from Yad Lebanim Chariman Eli Ben Shem, not to hijack the day with their protests. R' Weiss even called Ben Shem personally say that he holds the hospital in high esteem and that he respects the fallen and does not wish to desecrate their memories.

I'm not sure if I would go as far as saying that R' Weiss hold Yom HaZikaron sacred. But I do think this is occasion to hold back cynicism and recognize that this is a significant, if isolated, gesture of good will from one of the most radical poles of Hareidi society. This is even more true in light of the announcement's context: these protests are a hot-button issue that rallies the Hareidi base, and this conciliation was presented as being in recognition of a commemoration that, while sacred to the rest of the country, most Hareidim disparage. This announcement, at the very least, will catch their attention. 

In his letter to R' Weiss, Ben-Shem noted that on Yom HaZikaron, "We all become one united family in front of which stand thousands of families who lost the best of their sons in war while defending the homeland." Who knows? Maybe, this year the radical elements of the Hareidi world will take note of that spirit of achdus and recognize that there might value to finding ways of protecting the Jewish religion that don't have to threaten the unity of the Jewish people.

In the merit of the fallen soldiers' sacrifice, may it be His will.

Burqa Women Reconsidered

Last week I posted an essay on Burqa-wearing women and feminism. Among the thoughtful responses I received was one from a friend in Jerusalem, who called my attention to this discussion from the (actually) feminist Lilith Magazine blog. (For those who linked here from The Matzav, see me after class and I'll explain.)The friend writes:

The author likens Burqa fashion choices among Haredi women to anorexia in that the women internalize a cultural/societal ideal (ie. thinness or modesty) that they take to an extreme. Both anorexia and burqa donning serve to make a person's self and sexuality disappear in some way.

Also, as a proud feminist, I know that many women who make moves in the name of control over their own bodies and lives, may resist and even loathe the title feminist.
I don't think it's fair to label these Haredi women with a term which they would not choose for themselves.

Furthermore, I believe that feminism involves a conscious effort to dismantle gender hierarchy.  Though these women may be behaving in a subversive manner, disobeying the wishes of the men dictating how much clothing they may put on and take off, their action does not serve to question or change the underlying power structure.

I agree with many of my friend's points, especially not to impose a loaded label upon the religious actions of a particular individual. The anorexia perspective is very compelling, and likely has a lot of truth to it, as well. Yet, I think there is still merit to post, even if it's observations are more relevant as a statement about the role of "frumkeit" in maintaining the hegemonic power balance than about the specific intentions of the individuals wearing the burkas. (It's kind of like the wife of the man who waves a shulchan aruch to justify all of his mistreatment of her getting her own s'micha and leaving him to sulk.

R' Chaim Kanievsky to Yeshiva Bochurim: "Who Do You Think You Are?!"

(Yeshiva World News) HaRav Chaim Kanievsky, a foremost leader of the Israeli Charedi community and among the few true, league-of-thier-own gedolei Torah, spoke out recently against the phenomenon of yeshiva bochurim making exorbitant demands of potential in-laws. The rav told a gathering of roshei yeshiva that the trend of boys demanding–often of families who can not afford them–apartments is an "epidemic" that has "crossed acceptable boundaries" and must be fought. "When we were young," R' Chaim said, "we received sheds to live in, and only rentals at that... Today, every bachur who learns four or five years believes he has attained a level of worth higher than his father-in-law and therefore, he is entitled to an apartment." So seriously does he take this issue that, he exclaimed, "a fast day must be declared to stop" it.